One Wheeler’s World

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

I know it’s been a long time…too long…since I last posted.  I hope that I can be forgiven with the explanation that life has been extremely hectic in recent months.  Many times, I have sat down at my computer, intending to update with the things that have been happening.  On some of those occasions, I found myself struggling with how to say all of the things that are sitting out there to say.  Most of the time, I simply got myself distracted with some other randomness online and was just too damn tired by the time I got back to remembering about posting.  At any rate, there is big news to be shared.  And at long last, I am here to do so.

Towards the beginning of the year, James and I started having some long conversations about what exactly we wanted our future to hold for us.  I think that it took us both a bit by surprise when we realized that we each were envisioning something very different from what we’ve been talking about for the past five years.  A future here.  In Reno.  Our plans have always involved a future move to MN, where most of my family still is.  Over the past year, though, I’ve found that I’m feeling more and more at home here in Reno.  Once I stopped living my life for “some day,” I took some time to actually look around and pay attention to the life that has unfolded for me here.  And I realized that there are a lot of things worth sticking around for.  We both have good jobs with a lot of potential.  No, we don’t have family here, but we have an incredibly supportive group of friends.  I think that James was pretty taken aback when I first started the discussion of possibly staying here for the long term.  I know that the move to MN has always been more something he was willing to do for me, than something he actually wanted. 

Still, there was the issue of whether it was realistic for us to choose to stay here.  One of the big things that have always been a deterrent for us is the difference in cost of living.  Neither of us was sure we would ever be able to afford the kind of life we’d like here.  Housing is a great deal more expensive, and we’re certainly weren’t okay with a future of apartment living.  Of course, the housing market here is changing just as drastically as it is across the country.  And so we started to toy with the idea, started to wonder whether maybe now was the time that it would be feasible for us to take this step.  On a whim, I submitted an online application to a mortgage company one evening.  James and I were actually both quite surprised when the call came a couple days later to say that we’d been approved for the loan!  A couple months, several houses, and a lot of headaches later, we became homeowners!  We closed on the house on April 10 and moved in on April 17.  We’ve been slowly working since that time to get everything situated.  We both absolutely love our new home. 

…

The day before we closed on the house, James and I got some news that made it apparent we couldn’t have chosen a better time to get a bigger, nicer place.  On April 9, we were thrilled to find out that we are expecting a baby!  I have just entered my second trimester of the pregnancy, and our little one is due to arrive mid-December (the 17th is my exact due date).  The past few weeks have been a blur as we’ve adapted to life as soon-to-be-parents.  To read more and to follow along as the pregnancy progresses, you can visit our baby blog, A New Wheeler for the World.

…

Our life has changed drastically over the past few months, but they are very welcome surprises for which we are extremely grateful.  I decided that it was time for the blog to get an overhaul to flow with all of the other new things.  I spent a good amount of time designing the new look, and I’m really happy with how it turned out.  At the top of the page, you’ll see that I’ve also added some new features.  I’m going to start sharing more photos here, as well as my scrapbook pages.  I hope you’ll like the new features, and that you’ll enjoy following along as my life takes this new path.

Today is my grandma’s birthday.  It’s been a decade since I was last able to celebrate this day with her.  I still can’t wrap my brain around the idea that she’s been gone that long.  Grandma was the single most influential person in my life, and I miss her more than words could ever express. 

When I graduated from high school, Grandma gave me a book as part of my gift.  It was just a “little something extra” to go with the “real” gift.  Try as I might, I can’t recall what that “real” gift was, but I remember that book.  I still have it actually, and I turn to it on a regular basis.  The book is entitled Love, from Grandma.  It’s a collection of advice and wisdom from grandmothers around the world.  Inside, Grandma made special marks by some…a star, a word or sentence underlined, even a exclamation point on some.  At the back of the book is a personal note

We lost Grandma just two short months after she gave me that gift.  I often wonder if she could ever have fathomed the amount of comfort and support it would come to offer me through the years.  Countless times, I have turned to it in search of advice from the one person who always had the right thing to say.  Countless times, I have found exactly what I needed in that book, often with her special star or underlining alongside it.  I have run my fingers over the words she wrote.  I have missed her terribly, I have cried, and I have been reminded of just how much she loved me.  All through this little, 7×7, 125-page book.

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell

I’m feeling philosophical.  Thinking about life.  My life, as it was and as it is.  For far too long, people have been telling me to stop trying to control everything.  I’ve been lectured about how one can’t truly appreciate life…live in the moment…when they are focusing all of their energy on creating the moment.  It seems this past year as been a culmination of those lectures coming to light for me. 

I am, within every fiber of my being, a planner.  To not have a plan makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.  A co-worker and I were recently discussing this fact.  She laughed when I shared a little secret with her.  I.plan.everything.  I make plans for what to do when my plans don’t work out.  I even plan ahead to “go with the flow” in certain circumstances.  I can have a wonderful time when I just let go and let things happen as they will.  But I *have* to have prepared for this ahead of time.  Catching me at a moment when things are going completely against any of the various plans I’ve walked my mind through for a given time, and you will see me at what I consider to be some of my weakest moments.  Anxious.  Flustered.  Out of control.

And so, I suppose that I can see what my family and friends have been talking about all of these years.  Maybe it’s not a good thing to plan everything all the time.  I still hold strongly to the idea that there are many times in life when it is not only best but necessary to have a plan (along with a few back ups on reserve).  But this past year has found me reflecting on many things, and I find that I am slowly changing my ways.  Not because I’ve been told I should (heh, like that would work with me?), but because lately I’ve become increasingly aware of some smack-you-in-the-face-obvious facts. 

You see, once upon a time I had what I considered to be an unshakable plan for my future.  Fresh out of high school, I knew exactly where my life was headed.  And I couldn’t wait to get there.  A college education, a husband, a cozy house in my hometown, and a few kids to round out the picture.  It was, in my young mind, the epitome of what life was supposed to be.  And I forged ahead, content with making it my life.  I married young.  My husband and I walked down the aisle shortly before my 22nd birthday.  We bought a home within a few months, and I figured we’d spend some time enjoying being newlyweds and then move along to the parenting portion of our life together.  In the meantime, I settled in for what was certain to be my perfect life. 

Except, it wasn’t. 

I struggled with college, something that was never plausible in my plans for the future.  It seemed no matter how I tried or what new plan I came up with to improve, I simply couldn’t find the motivation for school.  I ended up dropping out before I had even managed to complete my general ed requirements.  On to a new plan.  A working woman.  I managed to find a good job, with great benefits and incredible opportunity for growth. 

My marriage more closely resembled a horror film than it did a fairytale.  I could write pages about the nightmare that became my relationship.  Don’t worry, I won’t.  Let’s just say that it was toxic in every sense of the word.  And eventually, I got up the nerve to leave. 

My 24th birthday found me newly separated, living in a tiny apartment, and feeling at a loss for a new plan.  For once, I had no idea what my future would hold.  I still couldn’t grasp how my life had come so far from where it was supposed to be, let alone how to get it back on track. 

The first few months after my birthday saw a lot of big changes in my life.  I adjusted to the single life and began to prepare to file for divorce.  My mom went into treatment, and I became the temporary guardian of my brother, Joe, who was 14 at the time.  We tiptoed our way through adapting to our new life together.  I lost my good job with great benefits and scrambled to find another one that would support Joe and I.

No, there wasn’t time for a plan then.  Don’t get me wrong, I still made plans all the time.  Necessary plans…for the day, the week, a particular event.  But I let go of the need to plan out where my life was going.  I had to.  The circumstances that made up my present day life required my full attention.  And I realized that I needed this time to live…to get to know myself…before I could think too much about the future.

In the midst of all of this, James came into my life.  A new man?  Definitely not in the plan.  I fought against falling for him.  Fought hard.  Told myself that it could never happen.  It would never work.  It wasn’t about the distance.  I had already decided that I was going to move away after things were settled with my family and my divorce was final.  There wasn’t a plan in place yet, but I knew that I couldn’t stay in that town.  I needed a new place for my new life.  Granted, Reno was a lot further than anywhere I’d contemplated going, but still it wasn’t the distance that told me it could never happen.  Mostly, it was fear.  Fear of letting go of my need to control everything…to feel like I knew what the outcome would be…to let go to whatever it was that had put him in my life (call it fate…destiny…the internet…whatever).  Despite my fears, I planned a trip to Reno to meet James.  I suppose that deep down I knew that I had to at least give these feelings the chance to be addressed in person…to see whether there was anything “real” to them.  And there was.  I stopped fighting against falling for him…accepted the fact that it had happened regardless of what my plan had been.  Another plan was put into motion…one that involved me moving to Reno.  It’s been a little over five years since the first night that James and I stayed up into the early hours of the morning talking online.  Nine months after that first conversation, we made the trip across the country together, the car loaded down with the items I’d deemed important enough to make the move to Reno with me.

I never could have imagined that Reno would end up offering me far more than “just” a man.  I have a great life here.  College degree?  No, but I have a great job…one that I love most days.  I also have people by my side, encouraging me to nurture my love of photography and to pursue my dream of someday making it my business.  I have incredible friends, people for whom I am endlessly thankful.  And then there’s that man.  He may not be perfect, but he is my perfect husband. 

All of this has led me to realize that maybe it really is best not to try to control and plan everything.  Maybe sometimes it’s best to let life just…happen. 

After all, once upon a time, I had a lot of great and major plans for my future. Some of those plans came to be reality…and were proven to not be all I’d imagined they would. Some seemed to dead-end long before they could be made real. Somewhere along the way, life presented me a whole new set of circumstances. A life that was far from the one I had planned started to form. And suddenly, I was living a life far better than anything I could have imagined.

James’ birthday was this past Wednesday.  He turned 29 and seemed to take it like a champ.  Though, his blog does disclose that facing the final year of his 20s has brought about a bit of a self-reflective James.  Wednesday, we went out for a simple dinner to celebrate, and last night we headed out to celebrate the “right” way.  We headed downtown for dinner and a show.  I had made a reservation at the Prime Rib Grill, which is one of our favorite special occasion places.  After dinner, we went to the Catch a Rising Star Comedy Club.  As usual, we were not disappointed by the comedians.  My stomach hurt from laughing just a few minutes into the opening comedian’s show.  The headliner, Eddie Clark, was fantastic.  James seemed to enjoy himself, and I have marked this birthday celebration off as a success.

Today, we headed over to our friends Lou and Becka’s to hang out and watch the Super Bowl.  Pre-Super Bow, I finally got a demonstration of what the “big deal” is with Rock Band.  I chose to just watch, but James joined in and played the game.  He’s hooked now and has already added this to his list of “must haves” for the day when we get a Wii.  Nevermind the fact that won’t be happening anytime in the near future.  The game itself was alright.  This year, we were all rooting for the same time, which created a different vibe from last year when I was the only one cheering when the Giants managed to win.  There was cheering today, but it didn’t last long.  I spent the end of the game perched on the edge of my seat, anxiously waiting to see whether the Cardinals would manage to pull it out.  Sadly, they did not.  At least it managed to be a pretty decent game, though, I guess.  At any rate, we had a good time hanging out with our friends. 

On the floor of my closet sits a box.  It’s a relatively small box.  The contents are probably not all that unique.  From what I hear, it seems many people (women, in particular?) have a similar box…or at least the same items tucked away somewhere.  The good news, though, is that I’m finally pulling items out of the box, rather than having to add more.  Pants.  Two sizes smaller than what I’ve worn for the last year.

In my previous long-winded post about all that has been going on at the Wheeler household, I didn’t think to mention that James and I have been working on losing weight and getting in shape.  We’re not really dieting, as much as focusing on eating healthy and exercising.  You know, the things people should always do.  Over the past few months, we’ve been slowly shrinking.  For a few weeks now, I’ve had a hard time with my jeans.  They were horribly big on me.  But, knowing about those pairs of jeans hidden away in the box, I refused to go buy any pants the size in between.  Instead, I focused on trying to work my way down into them.  And I’ve finally done it.  These are the best “new” clothes I’ve ever had! 

Behold:

Old pants…I now see why James has been calling me “saggy butt” for the past few weeks.

 “New” pants

This list has been going around through some of the journals on a message board that I belong to.  I thought it was kind of interesting and decided to do it and post it here.

• Things you’ve already done
• Things you want to do
• Things you haven’t done and don’t want to

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty…okay, I haven’t actually been to the top, but they don’t allow that anymore.  So, I’m counting it since I’ve at least been there.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not (physically) ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican. (this is dumb b/c the Sistine Chapel is IN the Vatican.)
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Yep.  It’s been a LONG time since I’ve updated this thing.  I really don’t have any great or astounding reasons for not posting.  Sure, life has been busy.  But it certainly hasn’t been “I don’t have time to sit down and write a few sentences” busy.  I have *thought* about posting several times.  Lots of things have happened that I figured I should talk about.  But when the time came that I was actually sitting at the computer, other things seemed to distract me before I could get around to opening the blog. 

Finally, though, here I am.  And, while I don’t tend to make New Year’s resolutions, maybe I’ll make a small exception.  And start to make more of a point of updating this thing from time to time. 

For now, here’s how my life has been playing out over the past few months…

• As my last post mentioned, we bought a new vehicle in August.  We finally got the damage from the accident fixed several weeks later.  James and I are both still very much in love with the Torrent.  We’re definitely glad with our choice to buy it.
• I applied for (and got!) a promotion at work.  I am working in the Quality Assurance Department now, and I am absolutely loving it!  The new position has proven to be very challenging and a great match for my skills. 
• We got to meet James’ brother, Dave’s, girlfriend.  Her name is Jenn, and I absolutely adore her. 
• I got a new camera!
• James also got a promotion at his job.  It hasn’t turned out quite exactly as he’d hoped, but I think that he is liking the new position a great deal more than what he was doing previously.
• I’ve started to develop not only an understanding but an enjoyment of the game of football.  This year, James and I got season tickets for the University of Nevada Reno (UNR) football team.  I managed to surprise James with how much I came to enjoy the games.  I surprised myself even more by starting to actually develop an understanding of the game.
• I found out that a friend of mine is expecting her first child on March 17.  She and her hubby have since discovered that they are having a girl.  Another friend and I are co-hosting a baby shower for her on February 7.
• We spent a wonderful 10 days visiting family and friends back in Minnesota.  During which…
• My youngest sister got married.  I was her photographer, and the photos turned out pretty great, if I do say so myself.
• I spent some amazing time with my nieces and nephews.  I cherished every hug and kiss.  And quickly remembered just how much I miss not being there to see them grow on a regular basis.
• I spent some really great quality time with my mom, during which I was reminded of just how far our relationship has come in the past five years. 
• I got to see my God daughter for the first time in 4 years.  I was overcome by how much she has grown up, and I lost myself in memories of time spent with her when she was a little girl.  I also was taken aback at just how much she reminded me of her mom, an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to since shortly after moving to Reno.
• I reconnected with that previously mentioned old friend and discovered that time does heal many wounds.  And being back in touch with one’s past can feel amazing.
• I introduced James to some of my favorite parts of Minnesota.  And enjoyed sharing with him the memories that these places hold for me and making new memories with him in places I love so dearly.
• I met my best friend’s fiance. 
• I met my cousin’s baby, Joshua.  He is adorable, and I was sad to not be able to have more time to spend with him and his big sister, Maddie.
• I was finally able to remember and embrace the fact that home holds a lot of really good things.  The whole trip was really somewhat of a healing for me. We’ve only been home a couple of times since I moved here, and it’s always been “just” to see family…I haven’t been ready for any of the rest of it. This time, I felt like I was ready to actually embrace my past, and I left feeling like I’m finally at peace with everything that I left behind there.
• I started my Christmas shopping in October, impressing myself with such promptness in attacking my list this year.
• I did two sets of family portraits, as well as one of engagement portraits.  The pictures turned out well, and I’ve started to think that maybe I really *can* do something with this photography stuff after all.
• We celebrated my birthday.  I turned 29, and it didn’t bother me nearly as badly as I’d expected it would.  My hubby took me out for a wonderful evening.  We had an amazing dinner at a restaurant that I love and then went to a show at a comedy club.  It was a fantastic way to celebrate.  Oh, and I also got a new camera bag from him.
• We had a great time celebrating Thanksgiving in Boise with James’ family.  We even spent some time at a park doing family portraits while we were there.  I love that they are learning to deal with my obsession with my camera.  Some day, they’re going to even appreciate it…I just know they are!  LOL
• Another friend has announced that she is pregnant with their second child.  They are due in May, though I’m not sure of the exact date.
• We attended a graduation party for my friend who has just completed her MBA.  It was a great party and served as one of many “little” reminders over the past few months of just how many great friends I have made since moving to Reno.
• I finished my Christmas shopping with two weeks to go until the holiday.  Then, I discovered just how hard it is to wait for the day to arrive so that I could *finally* give James the gifts I was so excited to have gotten him.
• We had a GREAT Christmas.  James and I both really embraced the holiday this year, the first time in a few years for both of us.  James’ parents came to Reno for the week, and we had a wonderful visit with them.  Everyone was very generous, and James and I were both really excited over the many great gifts that we each received.  Best of all, James seems to actually like the gifts that I was so excited to give him.

So, that’s basically been my life the past few months.  Now I’m just sitting back and looking forward to seeing what 2009 has in store for us.

Here’s something new and different:  An update on life at the Wheeler household!

In some rather exciting news, James and I bought a new car today!  We found out while we were in Boise that James was going to be receiving an inheritance from his grandma’s estate. Since we’ve been in the “we really need and want a new car but *really* don’t want a car payment” phase for quite some time, we automatically agreed to allocate part of the money to getting a new car. Thankfully, we also both agreed that we wanted to get a small/mid-size SUV. We did a bit of looking when we got back to town on Sunday, and we narrowed our selection down to a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. We were really disappointed that we didn’t have check in hand, as the Jeep dealership had one we loved for a great price. We decided we just had to wait and hope for the best. The vehicle sold mid-week. We were bummed, but figured it was a good opportunity to keep looking around at a few other places to make sure that was what we wanted. Yesterday, we spent basically the entire day car shopping. We started at the Pontiac dealership, where James’ boss referred us, as her neighbor is a salesman there. We test drove a few things and really fell in love with one car. Of course, we still didn’t have check in hand, and we also wanted to look a bit to make sure there wasn’t something “even better” at the next place. We hit a few dealerships in some neighboring towns and were quickly very appreciative for the experience we’d had at the local Pontiac dealership…some of those salesmen are real pieces of work! By the end of the day, we were convinced we knew what we wanted, and we were both on edge worrying about it selling before we were able to go buy it. In the end, we decided we wanted it badly enough that it was worthwhile to finance it while we wait for the check to arrive in a couple of weeks. We both absolutely LOVE what we ended up getting, and we got a GREAT deal on it! A wonderful, happy end to the weekend!

So, here it is, our 2007 Pontiac Torrent:

And here is what happened to it about 30 minutes after we left the dealership:
Yep, THAT is the kind of luck we have! We left the car lot, headed back to our house to drop off my car, then headed to a friend’s to hang out for a bit. During the ride there, James was driving, and I was happily chatting away to James’ mom. I was mid-sentence exclaiming how wonderfully excited we both were when WHAM! It was a pretty young girl (teens, maybe early 20s) driving who rear-ended us. She tried to convince us to just go through insurances and not file a police report, stating she “can’t have anything else on her record” and she “really needed to get to work.” That was totally the wrong thing to say to me in that moment. I am proud to report, though, that I totally kept it together. Well, not totally, I was shaking terribly and about to burst into tears, but I didn’t flip out on her at least. I simply said that was too bad, we are getting a police report and told James to call them to come out. She ended up getting a citation, and we got the documentation that makes me feel better for insurance. I’m a little worried about what kind of nightmare it might be since we hadn’t even been able to call the insurance agent to add the car to our policy. I mean, I know that it will be covered (especially since she was at fault)…I just hope it isn’t a giant pain.

James keeps telling me the bright side is that it means that the two little scratches on the bumper that I’d been slightly preoccupied with at the dealership will be gone. I appreciate that he’s trying to make me feel better. We did also already talk to the salesman at the dealership, and we’re going right after work tomorrow to get it to the body shop. I’m hoping that they’ll take some pity on us and get the work done quickly. It really sucks to be so excited about a new vehicle and then not even know when we might get it back to be able to actually *enjoy* it.

My heart is hurting.  Today, we received the news that James’ grandma pass away.  My mother-in-law let us know a couple of weeks ago that grandma wasn’t doing well.  We’ve been prepared for this moment, as best as one can be.  I have to admit, I am somewhat surprised by just how much this has touched me.  I absolutely hate to see my husband and his family hurting, and that is a great deal of my personal heartache.  I find, though, that I truly feel the loss that this is to *me* as well.  I suppose it’s a moment where I’m really learning how much James’ family has come to mean to me…to be my own family.  I didn’t know Jean terribly well; we’ve only had a handful of opportunities to be together.  I have been incredibly touched from the very beginning, though, by how much she (and all of James’ family) accepted me into their family.  I find that I am truly appreciative of the moments we’ve been able to share with her.  There was a time when it was uncertain whether she would be here to celebrate our marriage, then our renewal, with us.  The fact that we were able to have her about both…that we have wonderful photos and such very fond memories…is a true blessing.

This past week, my cousin had her baby. It was a boy, and they named him Joshua Michael. That’s all I know. No weight, no length, no anything. I don’t even know for certain when he was born. I know that she was being induced on Monday. I assume that means she ended up having him that day, but I really don’t know for sure.  

While I am very happy for her and her hubby, I have spent more time feeling incredibly annoyed by my family than anything else. I didn’t even find out that she’d had the baby until Friday when I talked to my mom. Maybe this is normal for other families, I don’t know, but it isn’t in ours. And it has left me feeling seriously disconnected from my family. I’m feeling the miles between us in general big time right now, so this has just added fuel to the fire.  I’ve always been super close to my family, and I hate that it feels like that is slipping away. I know it’s to be expected to some extent while we live so far away, but it’s something that I can’t seem to adjust to. I can’t help but wonder if these relationships will forever be altered, or if things will slowly work their way back to normal after we move home.